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Am I OK everyday? Hell NO!

If you’ve read my back story in Marriage and Miscarriage you will know I initially didn’t want children. Once I was ready to be a mom, I knew I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. That is a job I mentally am not ever going to be cut out for. I need that sense of self for my own well being. Stay at home moms out there reading, I give you ladies the biggest round of applause; it is the toughest job out there! You all are the real MVP!

My work situation is amazing with my husband’s. He is a hockey coach. His season picks up August through March and my season doesn’t fully end but becomes less busy November/ December to March. He steps up as super dad while I take a ton of time away from the family to work my busy season while I cover his busy season with the kids.

As of late, I have felt I needed to slow down. I know my work takes me away during a time I should be with my family, especially at their ages. I remember in December a major argument my husband and I got into in regards to this wedding season; I was suppose to slow down but took on a ton! He was not impressed and I completely understood his side, but I love my work. Working makes me happy and a happy mom is a happy home, right?

From August 2019 to now we have been hit with it all. Sickness in everyone, work overload, moving, having 3 kids under 5, home Reno‘s, new schedules with my oldest in JK; it has been mayhem! Work started to pick up again in March and (I hope) the last stomach bug of the season hit my house hard! Just as I found my relief for the week of March 8, we announce the new quarantine life. Left and right my weddings were being rescheduled. Some I could accommodate and others completely had to cancel because their reschedule was on a date I was already booked. Here we are at the end of April where I should have been back in my busy season. Now there are no weddings in my book until end of June or first week of July IF things stay on track to open. I have now taken on stay at home mom life to the extreme. Most days I had two kids out of the house during the daytime so I could work and have one on one time with my youngest. To go from that to three kids under 5 home together 24/7; madness. Pure madness. Add my husband home full time too, man child status. Their needs are different, their interests are different, THEY are so different. My husband had zero idea of our routine before. Life as I knew it, gone. Now I’m trying to do book work for my brides, take on the kids while Johnny still works from home, cook, clean and still find time for ME. The house is never clean yet I clean all day. My kids are constantly bored yet I do activities with them, play teacher to one of them, go outside with them and have new toys for them. I have never been more tired at the end of a day.

Despite how hard each day is, and believe me I have had full down leave the house melt downs some days; it is worth it. The hard days are hard but they go just as fast as they came. The fun days are memorable and cherished. Those are the days I hold on to and remind myself that I really do need to slow down. I only have so much time of hugs and kisses coming freely before I’m no longer cool.

Am I ok every day? Hell no! Which is what prompted today’s post. It’a been mayhem here! Will I survive this small chapter in my story of life. One hundred percent! It has made me realize that a break was needed. I can still work and still be here with my wild animals. I actually have enjoyed these hard times more than I thought I would.

The other day I joked with Johnny and said, “wow that argument was useless because I literally can’t do anything until July; stuck home with you all 24/7”. Then I offered up weeks of summer vacation time for next year that I absolutely will stick to. I want my kids to remember that yes I can still work and provide for them but mommy was also there for important moments to them. Their soccer game they scored a goal at, I want to witness that! I can find something new to make me decompress!

So mamas who are waiting the arrival of their first during this time, just had their first or second little, already have 2-3 kids and are losing their shit: you have got this! You can be confined for another three weeks, you can make it through another night of a screaming baby with no outside help, you can listen to your name being called 38848584747 times in one day! You got this because we will forever be faced with challenges. Heck, one day when these kids are teens I might say this was easily, jokes! I know I will! Sending my love to you all in this time of quarantine and asking you all this:

Has this time made you realize anything? Has this time made you want to change any aspect of your life? Looking forward to hearing what you have to say!

Today we learned colouring on the walls is so fun and makes my mommy looney! One of the reasons this post was a must!

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